You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
