I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
