Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
