Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
