Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
