Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
