Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
you never un-have a 4some
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
