Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Someone came in the potted fern
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
