I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
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He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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