So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
