i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
