Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
