It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
