why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
