We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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