I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
