Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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