My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
