A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
another moral hangover. fuck.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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