you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
