I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
