I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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