Nicole vs. Life
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
