what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
