im about as happy as oj after his trial
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
