it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
