Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I need to sanitize my soul.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
