pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
