woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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