I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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