dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
