Kiss
Puke
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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