whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
