She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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