I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just fell off a train. Bad.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
