Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
