What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
as a side note pls kill me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
