We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
