well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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