So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
