Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
