a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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