You work out of a Hotel?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
