Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
