he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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