You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize