3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
