i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
