Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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