Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
