I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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