He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
