Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
