who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
