Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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