I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
