just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Randomize
