She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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