Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My vagina is officially offended.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
