Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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