he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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