you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
