My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Randomize
