If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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