you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
