I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
