its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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