dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
