my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
