bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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