and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
