Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
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I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
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Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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