Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
