oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
