i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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