well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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