His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
