so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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